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"Leave Me A Note"

9:56 a.m. - 2006-12-21

Double Standards and a wife's lament

Forgive me hubby! I’m about to dis’ on you! But I know that there are other wives out there who feel the same way.

Marriage is full of double standards.

My wonderful hubby, whom I love deeply, is very forthright about how he wants me to ‘listen’ to him. He wants eye contact. He wants acknowledgement that I’m listening to his every syllable. And he wants me to know the he’s ‘always’ right.

Yesterday morning I woke up exhausted after a very poor nights sleep. A series of poor night sleep actually. I have an extremely low tolerance level when I’m tired, and my wonderful hubby knows it.

I was trying to read something very important to him while he was making his lunch for work. All through the reading, all I could hear was the purposeful wrenching and crackling of the empty cookie packaging.

My reaction should have been one of “honey, do you mind doing that later. I’m trying to share something with you.” But no, I try to speak over the overwhelming, ear smarting noise.

I complete my reading and in return and greeted with an indifferent grunt.

Hurt and disenchanted with the whole marriage thing I walk away in an ever increasing bad mood. My mind is conjuring up ways to give a supreme ass-whoopin’ involving a certain husband and a certain cookie container.

These are not happy thoughts. These are “Red sky in morning, sailors take warning” kind of thoughts.

And then, as I’m walking out the door to start my day, he says “what’s wrong?”

I recognize that I don’t deal with confrontation well. I never know how or when to get into it. But I do know that when I’m at boiling point – that is not the time.

Thankfully – my lovely new laptop arrived and turned my burgeoning storm front of an attitude into sunnier, happier display of heartfelt emotion. When I think clearly I know with all my heart that my husband is a complete gift from God, and I am very thankful for him. I even said it in my wedding vows, which I remind myself of – often.

I know that I’ve done things wrong in our marriage. I know that I am not the perfect wife – and never will be. But why the double standards? Why the “what’s good for the goose is not good for the gander?” Why – am I the only one who seems to be aware of it?

This too shall pass. I’m long overdue for my holiday time next week. I will return in the new year with a rested, relaxed, and tolerant attitude.

A collective “ahhhhhhh …….” can and will be heard throughout the land.

This was before - This is now

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