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"Leave Me A Note"

3:36 p.m. - 2006-08-16

Tenuous at best

Funerals have always been a great source of reality check for me. Regardless of the age of the one being memorialized these events always cause me some deep reflection. Mostly, I reflect on who would come to my funeral, and what a good time we would have. Then Id have a light bulb moment and realize that I wouldnt be in attendance per sae.

With my health scare this past weekend Ive continued on the path of cerebration. Realizing your mortality is an interesting thing. Ive generally compared my age against others who have gone on before me (I dont mean dead, I just mean older) mostly my parents. You know the line of thinking . when my mom was this age she ... Funny though, when I think of my mom at my age (44) now she was so much older and far less hip! LOL!!

I digress ..

I dont think of myself as old, and in the grand scheme of things Im not old. However, I realize that if any of you are 20something or under you probably do think Im old . BUT IM NOT!!!!

Anyway having your body do something that you usually associate with only happening to really old people (over 45) it makes you stop and hold your breath for a moment. Sunday evening after the Emergency visit and even through some of Monday I was constantly caught on the thought of how tenuous life can be. You can be here one moment, and gone the next. I kept pondering the concept of a time bomb sitting inside my chest. Ive had it all my life, but never really given it much thought. It could, quite literally, go off at any moment.

What an alarming thought. I also realize, given my faith that God knows exactly when I will go off. T.h.e. E.x.a.c.t. M.o.m.e.n.t. This thought should give me comfort, but then my humanness takes over and I think to myself Im really not ready to go yet. Can we hold off for another 30 or so years please?

Tick tick tick . Please keep up that steady, comforting, engulfing pace just yet . Tick tick tick

But we all know that we will face the same wall at one time or another. 100% of people die. Thats a given. There is no escaping. And there is nothing quite like a good health scare to give a person some grounding if they think otherwise.

Ive had mine how about you? And better yet what will you do differently?

This was before - This is now

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