3:36 p.m. - 2006-08-16

Tenuous at best

Funerals have always been a great source of reality check for me. Regardless of the age of the one being memorialized � these events always cause me some deep reflection. Mostly, I reflect on who would come to my funeral, and what a good time we would have. Then I�d have a light bulb moment and realize that I wouldn�t be in attendance per sae.

With my health scare this past weekend I�ve continued on the path of cerebration. Realizing your mortality is an interesting thing. I�ve generally compared my age against others who have gone on before me (I don�t mean dead, I just mean older) � mostly my parents. You know the line of thinking �. �when my mom was this age she �..�. Funny though, when I think of my mom at my age (44) now � she was so much older and far less hip! LOL!!

I digress �..

I don�t think of myself as old, and in the grand scheme of things � I�m not old. However, I realize that if any of you are 20something or under � you probably do think I�m old �. BUT I�M NOT!!!!

Anyway � having your body do something that you usually associate with only happening to really old people (over 45) it makes you stop and hold your breath for a moment. Sunday evening after the Emergency visit and even through some of Monday I was constantly caught on the thought of how tenuous life can be. You can be here one moment, and gone the next. I kept pondering the concept of a time bomb sitting inside my chest. I�ve had it all my life, but never really given it much thought. It could, quite literally, go �off� at any moment.

What an alarming thought. I also realize, given my faith that God knows exactly when I will go �off�. T.h.e. E.x.a.c.t. M.o.m.e.n.t. This thought should give me comfort, but then my humanness takes over and I think to myself � I�m really not ready to go yet. Can we hold off for another 30 or so years please?

Tick tick tick �. Please keep up that steady, comforting, engulfing pace just yet �. Tick tick tick �

But we all know that we will face the same wall at one time or another. 100% of people die. That�s a given. There is no escaping. And there is nothing quite like a good health scare to give a person some grounding if they think otherwise.

I�ve had mine � how about you? And � better yet � what will you do differently?