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"Leave Me A Note"

11:41 a.m. - 2006-02-21

Who Am I, and Why Am I Here?

At the risk of not knowing who exactly reads my blog, Iím going to stick my neck out.

Iím having a crisis - who am I in my work place? Am I doing what Iím supposed to be doing? Am I working in an area that is ideally suited to me? Is there such a job? What am I capable of, and can I do it here?

I work with some pretty amazing, gifted people. All of whom Iíve grown to love in their individual ways. For the most part Ė I think they like me too. However, the one person that I need to get along the best with Ė is my biggest challenge. Weíve talked about it and recognize it, but that doesnít make it any easier.

What this is causing me to do is question myself with all the above-mentioned questions. As well as: Am I the right person for this job anymore? Should I still be here?

Iíve alluded to the fact that I am not good with change. I need a somewhat stable environment to grow and flourish. I donít feel that I have that kind of environment around me anymore, and it makes me anxious.

The problem is compounded by the fact that I have to work; we cannot live on just my husbandís earnings. We live in a house that is owned by my employment. Would I have to move if I left my job? And for those that donít know Ė I work for a church that I love- would I still be able to worship here?

I donít feel like Iím in a Ďdesertí as such, and yet I donít feel that Iím being led in any particular direction. I have people telling me that they ďhave a plan for my lifeĒ, but is that contrary to what God has in mind. I believe God before I believe man on this point, but nothing is clear. Just like this entry.

If I could find a waitressing job that paid me $15.00 an hour Iíd do it. Or some kind of job that I wouldnít be doing anything like I am doing Ė for just a little while Ė Iíd do it.

I need to take a step back and evaluate my life, and right now as Iím in the thick of it Ė I canít think straight.

This was before - This is now

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