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"Leave Me A Note"

11:52 a.m. - 2006-03-22

Post 44

I have pondered writing here many times in the last few days, but generally end up heaving a great sigh and pushing the thought far away.

How can things feel like there is so much going on in ones life, and yet nothing at all?

I somehow agreed to be the registrar for our church retreat this weekend. Had I given full pre-thought to my “yes” I would have taken into account the necessity for my presence at the retreat. Something I had thought through, and frankly – I don’t want to go.

That said, I will be going (sans husband), however, I’ve arranged to stay off site. Back in October I and two girl friends went away for a weekend at another friend’s cabin. This cabin just so happens to be less than 5 minutes from the site for the church retreat. With a huge sigh of relief – I will be staying at the cabin. I don’t do well in crowds, and often find these kinds of events overwhelming. I am not going into this weekend in the best frame of mind (nothing that a month off work wouldn’t cure), so to be able to step away from camp and have some quality down time seems near to heaven.

++++++++++++++++++

As suggested in my previous entry my birthday was not a banner celebration. By 11:30 that morning I was wishing beyond hope that someone would come into the office, sweep me off my feet, and take me to lunch. No such blessing. However, one of my mentoring women came in specifically to wish me a happy birthday, and give me a beautifully written card so I swept her off her feet and took her too lunch (Starving Student). This brightened my day considerably.

With hopes of a lovely, quiet, romantic, dinner at a nice restaurant dancing through my head I waited patiently for the husband to come home and … whisk me away …

I seem to have a penchant for wanting to be whisked away. Secret Cinderella dreams I suppose.

Alas 5 o’clock came and went; 5:30 came and went …. 6 …. 6:30 …. 7 …. And finally at 7:15 in walked my husband, tired, exhausted and dragging his feet. I knew then that dinner out was not going to happen.

I started to cry, and the depths of my soul felt defeated and small.

It wasn’t my husbands fault. He’s been having a tough go at work as well as me. It was just an accumulation of things. Things I couldn’t begin to put into words, nor could I explain to a concerned and compassionate spouse.

We agreed to go to a less “nice” place for a big dish of Nachos’, and on the way he bought me flowers, ice cream and my favourite – carrot cake. This cheered me enough to make it through dinner without breaking down again.

I’m over it now. Another birthday bites the dust. Next year it’s 45, and I never deal with the “5’s” well. It should prove to be interesting. I’ll have to make a mental note to check back here and see what I wrote, and hopefully the stories will be far from the same.

Blessings, and have an awesome Wednesday!

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