11:41 a.m. - 2006-02-21

Who Am I, and Why Am I Here?

At the risk of not knowing who exactly reads my blog, I�m going to stick my neck out.

I�m having a crisis - who am I in my work place? Am I doing what I�m supposed to be doing? Am I working in an area that is ideally suited to me? Is there such a job? What am I capable of, and can I do it here?

I work with some pretty amazing, gifted people. All of whom I�ve grown to love in their individual ways. For the most part � I think they like me too. However, the one person that I need to get along the best with � is my biggest challenge. We�ve talked about it and recognize it, but that doesn�t make it any easier.

What this is causing me to do is question myself with all the above-mentioned questions. As well as: Am I the right person for this job anymore? Should I still be here?

I�ve alluded to the fact that I am not good with change. I need a somewhat stable environment to grow and flourish. I don�t feel that I have that kind of environment around me anymore, and it makes me anxious.

The problem is compounded by the fact that I have to work; we cannot live on just my husband�s earnings. We live in a house that is owned by my employment. Would I have to move if I left my job? And for those that don�t know � I work for a church that I love- would I still be able to worship here?

I don�t feel like I�m in a �desert� as such, and yet I don�t feel that I�m being led in any particular direction. I have people telling me that they �have a plan for my life�, but is that contrary to what God has in mind. I believe God before I believe man on this point, but nothing is clear. Just like this entry.

If I could find a waitressing job that paid me $15.00 an hour I�d do it. Or some kind of job that I wouldn�t be doing anything like I am doing � for just a little while � I�d do it.

I need to take a step back and evaluate my life, and right now as I�m in the thick of it � I can�t think straight.