1:28 p.m. - 2005-03-10
Sometimes is sit back in amaze at my age. I'm not that old. I don't feel that old. But I talk to a young person (someone under the age of 23) and I realize just how many years have passed and what I've accomplished or done.
I suppose that is a good thing - thinking of your many life stories and yet feeling like they were just yesterday. It is totally true, and I forget who said it but "Youth is wasted on the young".
I don't believe in getting caught up in the 'should's'. You have to grab hold of each new day, a gift in itself, and love life with your whole heart.
I remember approaching my 25th birthday. I dreaded it to the point that I hit a pretty serious depression. I felt so old, and so unaccomplished. There were all those "should's" I never got too. In my idealistic 20's I felt I should (there goes that word again) have been further in life. I should have been married, or at least had a guy in my life. I should have had a career bringing down serious money (without an education I might add). I should have had a house, a car, a VCR . . . All world bound things. I failed to see the richness in my life, and the bright future I had before me.
Once of the hump of 25, the next day almost, I was able to see a little clearer. I accepted my state of life and began to move on. I don't think I will ever forget how lost I felt.
Funnily enough - I approach the decade turners with a completely different mind set. I embrace the new digit and zero with gusto. I'm excited to launch into a new pilgrimage path.
Right here, 6 days before my 43 birthday, I look at that number and am rather in awe of its size. There is no cake that could handle that many candles. I definitely would not survive the birthday bumps - let alone find the people to launch me 43 times. (For this I am glad). But in my heart I feel like I'm still seeing life in new and exciting ways each and every day. This is one of the why's that I feel when I watch or play with kids. That freshness of unabashed wonder is written on their faces, and in turn etched into my heart all over again.
Thank you God for this day. This fresh new exciting day. I have no idea what lies ahead of me, but not matter what - I will have learned a little more about myself, and about the worlds around me.
May each of you who read this entry, take a look at the world around you and enjoy the moment.
Blessings - LJ